And So It Begins...

After seeing the movie Fireproof, my husband bought the book Love Dare. He started doing the Love Dare shortly after we started counseling with our pastor this past Fall. Our relationship became much smoother than it had been. All because of simple tasks from this amazing book. Things that are so small yet so meaningful. So let me start at the beginning.

I am a stay at home mom of two. Juniper is 7 years old and Keaton is almost 4. They are both so different, including the relationship I have with each of them.

I found out I was pregnant with Juniper one month after David and I got married. He had recently graduated from NC State at the age of 22 and had found a job during the post 9/11 economy, selling insurance. And yes, the pay was 100% commission. Scary! Luckily, I had been working at an engineering firm for a few years and was making decent enough pay for a 24 year old without a college degree. Needless to say, we were a little shell shocked and a lot scared. Our families were too, but the excitement grew as quickly as my stomach did.

December 8th 2002, Juniper (a.k.a. Junebug or Juniebug) was born. It was love at first sight for both David and I. Never did I imagine I could love someone as much as I loved this little girl. Now I knew how much my mother loved me! Juniper was a great baby. Started sleeping through the night around 6 weeks, had a healthy appetite and was so happy. Unfortunately, as the months went by, the money got tighter and our stress level got higher. Not only did David and I start resenting each other, but our frustrations spilled out on to our sweet little girl. I sit here now and think about that time. We were so young, so inexperienced. I feel like we really screwed her up. We fussed at her over every little thing, raised our voices so much. It's amazing she's as incredible as she is. I know this all seems so minimal compared to other horrible parents and the horrible things they put their kids through. Still, I felt like such a terrible mother!

So, let me get on with it. Juniper, my brilliant, spirited child, started having behavior problems. More so at home than at school. Things like hitting me, licking her palms, even spraying bug repellent on her arm and then licking her arm. I started working closely with a parent teacher counselor through our public school system. After a year of counseling, observation and some testing, Juniper was diagnosed with ADHD about 4 months before she started Kindergarten. At this point, my relationship with her had become so strained. Juniper and David understood each other and got along famously. I, on the other hand, felt like a woman with a stepdaughter who hated me, who loathed me for not being the mother she thought I should be. It was so painful.

Juniper is now almost done with 1st grade. She's so incredibly smart and sometimes seems beyond her years. She has been on ADHD meds for almost 2 years. There are days I feel very close to her but mostly, it's still pretty strained. That's where the Love Dare comes in. If it can help my marriage, why couldn't it help my relationship with my daughter? Starting tomorrow, I will start the Junebug Love Dare. I am really hoping, praying that this will give us the relationship we both so desperately want.

This is for you, Juniebug!